The Mating Rituals of Monkeys

I've been going to the university gym a lot lately as part of my new, get-out-of-this-freaking-rut mission 2008.

Going to the gym regularly, however, has shown me a whole new aspect of university life that I have only really seen on television. You see, I have always enjoyed working out. Going to the gym and working up a good sweat has always been a feeling that I enjoyed. That moment when you're on the stationary bike and you start to really work up a sweat (after the initial feeling like you're legs are going to fall off and you're going to die in a horribly mangled stationary bike accident in front of everyone...) and get the sensation that you're realling accomplishing something, can be pure bliss. The best part though is when you finish the cardio and you have that pleasant strain in your legs that you know will hurt you more later, but you don't really mind because it means that you've done something right.

Those are the reasons why I have returned to the gym.

For other people, the reasons are a bit more... animalistic.

Here enters the university gym as a jungle mating ground rather than anything else.

The first species one notices when entering the gym, is the common fitness atendant. Akin to the bonobo monkey, the common fitness attendant is prone to solving his or her social problems through sexual encounters and conquest. With their keen ability to view all the animals in jungle (or all the people in the gym), the bonobo is able to pick out the most attractive candidate for a mate. Constant preening and an affinity for shiny objects like mirrors, makes the fitness attendant the "prettiest" of all the species in this particular jungle.

Once a position is established within the jungle, an observer can easily spot the large overzealous weight trainer, usually compared to the silverback gorilla. Acting as the centre of attention within his troop of weight-lifters, the dominant silverback makes overt displays of masculinity to gain followers and increase his prominance and dominance within the jungle. I myself have been enveloped withing the clan of crazy cardio. With the shared desire to work our legs and lungs until our faces are so red we begin to appear sub human. We are the lemurs working hard and watching the real action unfold around us as we busily and happily continue on with our lives.

The groups that I find most interesting to watch while I'm dying on the bike in my keen and watchful state, is the group of people who go to the gym primarily to find a mate. Made up of both males and females, this species of gym-goer is closely related to the baboon when comparing mating and courtship behaviour. The lack of interest in actual exercise and focus on showing signs of interest and availability demonstrates the baboonity of the common gym-courter.

Finally there are the older members of the gym who you see wandering around the equipment and contemplating working out... but never really do. This special group of individuals has been known to draw ties from the Emperor Tamarin. Wise and soulful looking, the Tamarin looks as though it knows what it's doing and presents a knowing and friendly facade, it is actually quite viscious when it comes to someone stealing what they believe is rightfully theirs.