The Mating Rituals of Monkeys

I've been going to the university gym a lot lately as part of my new, get-out-of-this-freaking-rut mission 2008.

Going to the gym regularly, however, has shown me a whole new aspect of university life that I have only really seen on television. You see, I have always enjoyed working out. Going to the gym and working up a good sweat has always been a feeling that I enjoyed. That moment when you're on the stationary bike and you start to really work up a sweat (after the initial feeling like you're legs are going to fall off and you're going to die in a horribly mangled stationary bike accident in front of everyone...) and get the sensation that you're realling accomplishing something, can be pure bliss. The best part though is when you finish the cardio and you have that pleasant strain in your legs that you know will hurt you more later, but you don't really mind because it means that you've done something right.

Those are the reasons why I have returned to the gym.

For other people, the reasons are a bit more... animalistic.

Here enters the university gym as a jungle mating ground rather than anything else.

The first species one notices when entering the gym, is the common fitness atendant. Akin to the bonobo monkey, the common fitness attendant is prone to solving his or her social problems through sexual encounters and conquest. With their keen ability to view all the animals in jungle (or all the people in the gym), the bonobo is able to pick out the most attractive candidate for a mate. Constant preening and an affinity for shiny objects like mirrors, makes the fitness attendant the "prettiest" of all the species in this particular jungle.

Once a position is established within the jungle, an observer can easily spot the large overzealous weight trainer, usually compared to the silverback gorilla. Acting as the centre of attention within his troop of weight-lifters, the dominant silverback makes overt displays of masculinity to gain followers and increase his prominance and dominance within the jungle. I myself have been enveloped withing the clan of crazy cardio. With the shared desire to work our legs and lungs until our faces are so red we begin to appear sub human. We are the lemurs working hard and watching the real action unfold around us as we busily and happily continue on with our lives.

The groups that I find most interesting to watch while I'm dying on the bike in my keen and watchful state, is the group of people who go to the gym primarily to find a mate. Made up of both males and females, this species of gym-goer is closely related to the baboon when comparing mating and courtship behaviour. The lack of interest in actual exercise and focus on showing signs of interest and availability demonstrates the baboonity of the common gym-courter.

Finally there are the older members of the gym who you see wandering around the equipment and contemplating working out... but never really do. This special group of individuals has been known to draw ties from the Emperor Tamarin. Wise and soulful looking, the Tamarin looks as though it knows what it's doing and presents a knowing and friendly facade, it is actually quite viscious when it comes to someone stealing what they believe is rightfully theirs.

Cold Makes Crazy

I debated for a bit whether or not I would actually post this entry, but in spirit of saying whatever the hell I want and not wanting to self-censor, I decided in the end that I would post it.

I know I've been talking about the cold a lot lately, but it's been on a lot of people's mind here in more then just a small-talk-reserve in the back of your brain kind of way.
The thing is, cold makes some people go a little crazy. Just like excessive heat, wind, rain, drought, or darkness, you've gotta wonder sometimes how much the recent cold spell in the Canadian Prairies has been effecting our brains.

A lot of people, myself included, like to rave about how perfect Canada is. Low crime rates, generally nice people (I have to qualify that just because nobody is perfect), equal opportunities, beautiful countryside, and hot hockey players have all combined to make Canada my perfect and ideal home. However, just like anywhere else, we have our problems. What might be different is that our problems and flaws seem to spring up when the temperature goes way down.

You've probably read the horrifying story that took place on Tuesday when a father of two little girls, aged 1 and 3, took them out for a 400 meter walk at 12:30 am. When it was minus 35 degrees without the wind chill factor. Oh, and the girls were only wearing diapers and t shirts.
Talking about this makes me sick. WRITING about this makes me sick.

There are so many other societal issues that go along with this, I don't even know where to start! The father was drinking. The mother isn't saying where she was or what she was doing when this happened. It happened on a reserve. The father didn't even mention that his children were still outside in the cold until eight hours after he got to the hospital.

Many representatives for the First Nations People say that this kind of behavior is the result of the treatment received in residential schools (what, 100 years ago now?) and neglect from the Canadian government. This is where I tend to get riled, so I'll stop this rant right here.

This doesn't mean that I think that Canada is a worse place because of the winter-crazy, it just means that Canada is a nation like any other: imperfect, but, hopefully, growing and getting better.
Basically, in conclusion, cold makes the crazies crazier and those who just want to report a horrifying tragedy in the news in their nothing blog, seem like extra strength near political ranters.

A Cottage Cheese Emergency

My mom is a nurse who works nights at one of the local hospitals. This is something that my family has had to get used to over the past couple of years, as my mom isn't a very... pleasant... person when she doesn't get enough sleep.

Today, while I was in my hovel being very quiet so that she got enough sleep, I heard people walking around upstairs so I went up to investigate.
Upstairs, I saw my mom in the fridge yelling at my dad about the lack of cottage cheese. COTTAGE CHEESE! My father doesn't even eat cottage cheese (actually the only people who eat it in the whole world are my mom and my sister). She then, very angrily, put some yogurt in a bowl and tried to force feed said yogurt to my dad (who hates yogurt).

She was so angry she couldn't remember my sister's phone number to call her up and give her shit for cottage cheese that was apparently AWAL.

Luckily my father was able to quietly and discretely slip out of the house unscathed. I, however, was not so lucky and only managed to slink back into my basement hovel after listening to mom mumble and mutter and complain and swear about my sister and COTTAGE CHEESE(!).

Like I said, it's taken us a little while to get used to her night shifts, but we're learning to deal.

The Properties of Water

I've mentioned it before and right now I will take the time to reiterate this fact of Canadian living: Winter is freaking cold! Today it managed to get to -32C (That's about -21F) and with the wind chill, it went down to about -43C.

It's days like this when I think that I sleep through my alarm clock and miss my class on purpose. Subconsciously of course.

I spent the better part of my day in my room in the basement under about eight layers of clothes and blankets dutifully (and studiously too I guess) catching up on my class readings. And my blog readings. And my random internet readings. And an episode of Buffy.
Around noon my poor little brother- who was not gifted with the ability to forsee extreme cold and sleep through his alarm thus skipping school and the need to go outside- came home for lunch looking very much like the Michelin Man. Two grilled cheese sandwiches later, the kid was curled up with a blanket complaining he was too sick to go back to school. I, being the sister who is nine years older, clearly saw through this line of bull shit and began the long process of getting him back outside. [a touques, a balaclava, scarf, jacket, ski pants, 2 pairs of gloves, hood, and finally boots]

And then I went back to my books and my computer. Hypocrite, I know.

Later, at around 8:30 (after dinner, having to leave the warmth of my home to go to an appointment that didn't exist, birthday cake for my Opa, and roughly 37 cups of tea/cocoa/coffee/anything warm), my sister entered into my hovel in the basement to do some laundry.

Yes, my bedroom is ALSO the laundry room.

Unfortunately, the cold water would not run. After checking all the other faucets in the house we were able to conclude, with certainty, that the water pipe had froze solid. This was actually a bit ironic because not two hours earlier two fire trucks parked their big yellow selves on my front street to deal with a burst frozen pipe that had flooded our neighbour's entire basement.

Because my sister had already poured laundry detergent over her clothes and because i didn't really like the idea of waking up to freezing water around my ankles, I grabbed the hair dryer and began what would turn out to be a two hour long process of warming up and thawing the pipes through the drywall.

Of course, when it finally DID thaw out completely the water jetted out of the spout in huge freezing torrents right directly into me and my sister. This was actually kinda funny because my dad sauntered down to help only when he heard our shouts of "SHIT SHIT SHIT!! help SHIT SHIT help help SHIT!!". He wanted me to call him when the water started to show signs of actually moving rather than sticking around and keeping us company while we PREVENTED A DISASTER!!

Although, I now feel much handier after the experience...

My favorite line ever

"Red hair and black leather, my favourite colour scheme"

-Richard Thompson

check marks

I don't know if it's just me, but it's kind of stunning when you look and realize that you only need four more classes to graduate from university. When you see that you have far more check marks than "x"'s, it feels a little bit strange, like I should feel more complete or something... hmmm.

barium
is
gross.
(I don't like it at all... ew.)